Self Love

Self love, well that’s a loaded phrase. What does it mean? What does it entail? How does one practice it? What’s the best way to go about it? I know, lots of questions on this one. 

This morning I woke up early and went about my morning routine. One of the practices I try to do often is to write about my journey. My goal for a long time is that one day these notes, essays and thoughts will aid my children in their journey if for any reason I can’t help them myself. The practice has been invaluable for my own growth. This morning I brought my tablet to the gym with me knowing I wanted to do some writing after I left the gym. After an hour of typing away, my work just disappeared while I was typing. No explanation, no auto save, no draft saved, just gone. Was I frustrated? Oh boy was I. Nevertheless, I believe that when challenges arise, I must become ultra aware in order to find the gift, the lesson, the growth in the situation. Yeah, there was none of that at the moment. Twelve hours later I sat down to rewrite this blog. As I sit here, I think about that moment this morning. The best I can think of is that I may have gone down an unnecessary rabbit hole. Maybe that was my brainstorm. So now I write it a whole different way.

Self love sounds like a great thing. But it sometimes seems arrogant. So what does it mean? According to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation

“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.”  

That’s a pretty good definition to me, and it makes sense. It doesn’t sound like someone spending hours in front of the mirror loving their looks or alike. So what does this practice entail? I think self love has a lot to do with having confidence in yourself. Having a growth mindset as opposed to a self defeating, self degrading mindset. I think it is about believing in yourself and having faith in yourself and in your own resilience.  

Okay, so that seems pretty cut and dry. So what’s the best way to go about self love? Well, I believe many if not most of us have some trauma, undealt with pain & suffering and/or emotional baggage we must unload and deal with in order to love ourselves accordingly and unconditionally. Professionals seem to know this fact pretty well since it is common practice to start going through your childhood when trying to deal with all these issues.

I believe this is a fantastic start. What about the best way to go about it? I believe that many of us can find it useful and many times necessary to seek professional help in order to do this. But let’s get real, most of us just won’t. Silly, I know. But, nevertheless true. Let’s still try to get some of those benefits here and now, wherever you are at this moment at no monetary cost to you. No guarantee that it won’t cost you some emotional bucks or at least tears. After you finish reading this, stop, put the electronics down, take a couple deep breaths and truly do this practice. You may surprise yourself, you may even get emotional. You never know, this may be one of the breakthroughs in life you’ve been yearning for.

Sit comfortable and take some good long breaths…

Go back in time to whatever age jumps out at you first. I have done this several times at different ages. Go to a time where you might have found yourself, scared, lost, sad, in pain, confused, hurt, or whatever that negative emotion that jumps out at you. Take yourself (at your current age) and go there at that time. It is imperative that you take yourself out of that child’s point of view. You need to see this child from an outside perspective. You are wiser, stronger, and have experienced life so much more now.

Look at that child (your younger self), feel the emotion that child is going through right now. Forget that child is you. Feel every tear, every nerve shaking, every feeling of loss or worse. 

Carefully, without scaring that child, approach him or her.

What would you say to that child? 

Ponder that for a while…..close your eyes right now before you continue and tell yourself what you would say to that child

See yourself back then, speaking to the old you. 

Hold his or her hands and embrace them. Hug that child and allow yourself to feel every emotion they are feeling.

Speak to that child. You don’t have much time, make your embrace and your words count. What would you say?

Maybe, you go back and protect that child. Maybe you stand in the way of danger and change that child’s future. Sometimes you cannot change what happened, but you can coach that kid on how to see it and handle it. 

“We don’t experience life, we experience what we focus on.” Tony Robbins

Think about it. You can literally and truly change that little boy or little girl’s future based on what you say and do at this moment there in their time. You can change how you move forward in that child’s future, in Your future!

This is a very powerful practice you can do wherever you are at any given time. You may have to go back in time several times. If you’re very lucky, you may not even have to do this.

I went back and cried with that little boy. I hugged that little boy, I told him he was not broken and reassured him he was a beautiful little boy with so much life to live. I promised him people weren’t leaving him, life just happens sometimes and we just don’t have all the answers. I tried to explain to that little boy that life was going to get even harder but that it was all part of the plan. I told him it was all training so he would be strong enough to carry others, help others, and raise three strong men. I tried to inspire that little boy and give his life meaning and purpose while being honest about what was still to come. 

I don’t plan to stop this practice anytime soon. I don’t think there’s a limit in order to help that ancient child within. The key is that that ancient child still lives within you. Heal that little boy or girl and that right there, is my best practice on Self Love.

Live Responsibly