On Friendships

I’ve often heard about the significance of friendship, both lifelong connections and the value of maintaining a strong social circle. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of meeting many incredible people whom I consider friends. Even though we no longer see each other or communicate regularly, these individuals remain the kind of people I’d keep close if I maintained an ongoing circle of friends to grow old with.

However, in a more immediate, physical sense, I don’t have any close friends. I don’t regularly spend time with anyone outside of work. This has been my reality for nearly two decades, ever since I made a conscious decision about 24 years ago to radically change my life—my motivations, my direction, and my legacy. One of the many things I sacrificed in that transformation was the consistent, daily friendships I once had.

Through the years, I’ve kept in touch with two friends, but I was always the one putting in the effort. Eventually, I let those connections fade as well. I don’t share this as a personal biography, but rather to offer perspective: while strong, frequent friendships can indeed be powerful, there are benefits to not having them.

For me, making the decision to reshape my life meant shedding many things, including friendships. In those early days of change, I discussed my journey with friends, but none chose to join me. This sacrifice made it easier to avoid old habits and temptations that could have pulled me back into my previous ways.

I’m not claiming that I didn’t stumble or stray many times. I did. But the absence of close friendships may have helped me return to the right path. At one point, I even decided to move away, isolating myself further, to force a transformation into the person I aspired to be. While that drastic step may not have been necessary, it certainly made the change easier. Sometimes, you have to step out of your comfort zone to grow.

In my experience, not maintaining a tight circle of friends allowed me to evolve in ways I couldn’t have otherwise. I found myself forced into more self-reflection, having to hold myself accountable. The solitude became a spiritual retreat, where I worked on becoming the best version of myself.

As I’ve grown into the person I wanted to be, I’ve noticed I attract better, more like-minded individuals. Still, I’m cautious of the pitfalls of relationships. For better or worse, I’ve become somewhat addicted to the solitary work of personal growth. I’ve become deeply comfortable in my own skin.

If you find yourself struggling to find great friends or mentors, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Commit to being resourceful and holding yourself accountable. For me, books became my mentors, and they provided all the companionship I needed.