What it is to Truly Forgive Yourself

Love God. Love Others. Forgive.

If I had to boil down the teachings of Jesus into three essential truths, it would be this. Love God. Love your neighbor. Forgive.

Everything else seems to flow from those three.

This book on self love is not separate from those commands. It is rooted in them. My premise is simple. To truly love God and to truly love our neighbor, we must also learn how to love ourselves in a healthy and honest way. The three are intertwined.

I believe my next book will focus on prayer. In many ways, prayer may be one of the greatest expressions of loving God. To pray is to trust. To pray is to believe that I have access to the Divine. It is to believe that if I seek, I will find. If I ask, I will receive. If I knock, the door will open.

Prayer is actionable love toward God. It is not passive belief. It is pursuit. It is time spent seeking His wisdom, His guidance, and His direction in every area I wrestle with in life. My beliefs. My doubts. Religion. Spirituality. The soul. Ethics. Purpose. When I bring those wrestlings to Him, I am demonstrating trust. That trust is love.

Forgiveness is much the same.

We have all tried to fill voids in relationships. We have all wrestled with loving others while secretly lacking love for ourselves. Eventually we discover a hard truth. Until we learn to love ourselves rightly, we will struggle to truly love another.

The same is true with forgiveness. We can forgive others on the surface. We can say the words. We can move on externally. But deep, authentic forgiveness requires something more. It requires that we forgive ourselves.

That is not easy.

I once read a quote that pierced me deeply. Forgive yourself for the things you did not know before. That resonates with me because if I did not know better, how could I do better?

Many people blame their parents, their upbringing, their teachers, their culture, or their nation for where they are. I do not live that way. I believe that the more exposure we have to what is broken, the more opportunity we have to improve.

If I was never taught to eat well and I grow up watching people suffer from cancer, diabetes, and preventable diseases, that is not just tragedy. It is also opportunity. Not an opportunity to blame, but an opportunity to grow. I get to see firsthand what neglect can cause. That gives me the chance to choose differently.

I could say, I was raised to fry everything. I was taught that meat and carbohydrates were the foundation of every plate and everything else was optional. Now I am unhealthy and that is my parents’ fault. But how far does that mentality really take me?

At some point, responsibility becomes empowerment.

Forgive yourself for not knowing better before. Then choose to move forward intentionally.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. When we forgive others, we are not just modeling compassion, empathy, and love. We are also releasing ourselves. We are letting go of anger. We are canceling resentment. We are freeing our own soul.

There is something deeply connected between forgiveness and being born again. It is out with the old and in with the new. When I forgive someone else, I am also acknowledging where I may have missed the mark. I am saying, I did not respond in love. I did not handle that well. I forgive myself, and I begin again.

The word forgive has roots in old languages that carry the meaning of giving away completely, canceling, or releasing. Think about that. To forgive is to release.

If someone crashes into my car because they were on their phone, I may feel justified in my anger. Before I even step out of the car, I have judged them in my heart. Even if I never say a word, judgment has already formed inside me.

But what if, before I even open the door, I forgive?

I am not excusing the behavior. I am releasing the anger. I am canceling the judgment I placed on them. I am freeing myself from carrying that weight.

Someone once said, we do not have a soul. We have a body. We are a soul. That perspective changes everything.

When I speak of self forgiveness, I am speaking about the soul. When I refuse to forgive, I attach anger, bitterness, and judgment to my soul. That is why some things feel heavy. That is why resentment lingers. It is not just mental. It is spiritual weight.

To forgive is to unhook that weight.

To love God is to trust Him enough to bring Him everything.

To love others is to treat them with compassion and grace.

To love yourself is to release judgment, cancel resentment, and allow your soul to breathe again.

The three are not separate commands. They are one continuous flow of divine design.

And perhaps the journey of self love is not selfish at all.

Perhaps it is obedience.