Humbleness – to be or not to be

I’ve heard and read since I was very young that we should be humble. Now, this can cause lots of confusion because we as human beings can be so great and so poor at language.

We must be confident in life in order to have a greater chance to succeed, yet not cocky. The basic differences between the two is that when one is confident, one still learns from their mistakes. One still gives credit and one is not brashley self confident.

One must have pride in life and in everything we do, yet not be prideful. Very much like the previous differences.

I consider myself a self assured, self confident person. I wish my children to be self assured and confident individuals.

One place I’ve always admitted to be self assured for sure has been my work ethic.

I strive to be the best version of myself possible and I strive to absorb feedback without being negative. 

Recently, I was discussing a person I spoke with as arrogant and to my surprise the person I was speaking to replied “yes, he reminded me of you”! Although I was taken back by this, I continued the conversation as if it didn’t bother me.

My intention has never been to seem arrogant and I feel awful that I’ve displayed this. With that said I can recall a quote I’ve read a million times.

“Hell is paved with good intentions“.
Samuel Johnson

Now, I have to be realistic and realize that this was one person’s opinion right?

I let the statement marinate all day and try to reflect on my being arrogant. Admittedly I can see if someone got a glimpse of me without knowing me that they may see it that way. However, this was a person who knows me somewhat well.

I don’t let the feedback bother me. However, if I’m appearing arrogant I need to check myself.

Later on I discuss my concerns with someone who actually knows me better than most. Frankly I was sure they would side with me and claim that the statement had no validity. But to my surprise, they agreed that I exhibit arrogance.

Shot to the chest at point blank range. Now I believe that I must go into action and fix this within myself.

Truthfully, I’m not really sure what I must change because I am intentionally a self confident individual. I don’t feel I am brashley or braggadocious about my self assurance and I definitely learn and admit my mistakes. Moreover, I consciously deflect credit to others as much as possible.

Nevertheless, I must have made a mistake somewhere along the way in how I display my so called self confidence.

Best way for me to attack this problem is to do some research. Try to understand what it all means. This is where I discover the essence of how easy it is to discern self assurance for arrogance and so forth.

Displaying self confidence because I am self assured with my ability, discipline and work ethic to do whatever I have to do to get the job done isn’t wrong, in my opinion.

Displaying self confidence as a leader to stand firmly behind my decisions is a sign of strength and reassurance to my team that I will take full responsibility for the decisions I make, in my opinion.

Walking with my head up and shoulders firm is what I wish from my son’s as much as I wish for them to be humble, listen and always admit and learn from their mistakes and failures.

I am struggling with an effective, action based plan of “fixing” my behavior here. Maybe I just need to become more aware of what I’m displaying and how I’m carrying myself.

Nonetheless, I can’t help to feel that I am shoving the issue to the side and not admitting my mistake here. The irony is devastating to say the least.

Maybe it is the over confidence that seems like arrogance. Or maybe it is arrogance even though by definition it doesn’t completely apply.

Language is so important.

Self responsibility is so important.

Self reflection is so important.

Feedback is so important.

Listening is so important.

Where do I go from here?

One possible solution is to practice “Being impeccable with my word”, as stated in The Four Agreements which I practiced so many years ago.

In life, we must recertify In some of the lessons of the past in order for us to live righteously. Otherwise, we may forget the lesson in the same way we can forget a foreign language when we don’t actively practice it.

I may not be 100% certain as to the immediate fix here, but one thing I am certain of is, that my work is cut out and I must pour some focus into this issue.

I’m thankful for feedback like this and for honest family and friends who respect you enough to be honest with you regardless of how it may make you feel.

I would be remised if I didn’t mention the fact that we must not beat ourselves up when receiving negative feedback. That doesn’t fix anything. Our egos don’t enjoy negative feedback. Nevertheless, not many things are more effective than negative feedback in becoming a better version of yourself throughout your life.

I will continue to work on myself with this issue and will continue to strive to become the best me I can be.

Sometimes I tell myself that I’m doing my best.

Then I remember that my best, can always be better.

Love y’all